I Stink

Literally. I smell. Just not bad.

You know how we joked about dousing ourselves in Lysol? I think I accidentally did. I bought the last two cans of scented Lysol last night at Target, but they were not my orange citrus cans. I sprayed the usual places this morning. And everywhere I went today I smelled “Early Morning Breeze”. I was not enjoying it. When I smelled it in the computer lab, and then in my car after school, I knew it was me.

And now twelve hours later, I still can’t get away from it! I changed my clothes, washed my face, and I can still smell it. It must be in my hair. (Where’s the “ick” emoticon? ) I’m going to have to return it because I can’t stand it. The citrus one is a thousand times better. Though anything is better than unscented Lysol!

So much for that

Teachers were standing in line to get the Swine Flu shot, but when they got to the front of the line, they were turned away. They were afraid of running out. So after all the memos and emails and letters home and permission slips returned, they didn’t know how many people were going to show up???

Two ideas:

1. Add 15,000 students + 500 teachers + how ever many staff = how many shots to bring.

OR

2. Only give it to people who returned the paper. Let that be the natural, logical consequence for not following directions, or not cleaning out your kid’s backpack, or not looking in the “Keep at Home” side of my weekly grading folder.

Needless to say, I did not even attempt to go over. I called my doctor and got my name on his list instead.

7:15 p.m.
Scratch that. I left the book fair when I heard from a parent that there was no wait. Then when I asked a teacher to switch reading times with me, she said another teacher got it because she mentioned she has asthma. My allergist said I have it “a little bit” (really?), so I went with that. When I got there, the first guy tried to turn me away, even after mentioning allergies and asthma. I said, “Wait a minute, a teacher from my school was just here and she got it! She has asthma, and I do, too!” Thank goodness I knew that, because he went to go find someone in charge. That guy tried to tell me no, too, til I said the same thing about the other teacher, and after the third mention of “asthma”, he said, “Oh! You’re asthmatic! Then you’re high risk. Go right over there.” Geez, Louise!

Five minutes later I was outta there. And my paranoid self thought the whole thing looked like a scene right out of The X-Files…

The Piggies are Saved

Save the Piggies!

The Piggies are saved.

They went home with my little Professor. (Besides being uber-smart, he is the most polite, considerate child I have ever met. He’s got a great personality, too. He’s like a little grown-up!) Professor had told me his mom said he could take them “if no one else wanted them”. The way he said it made me think she didn’t really want them. So I said we could wait and see if anyone else said anything. One girl did bring in a note, but they only wanted Princess S, if I was willing to split them up. I bought the Divine Miss M so Princess would have a friend, so I wasn’t willing to do that. A few other kids tried to tell me, “Oh my mom said I could take them!” but it was just wishful thinking. (No note, no piggies.)

So Thursday, Professor brought in a note. He said it was from his mom, and I could see it was really long. I had forgotten he might take the guinea pigs, and I started to panic at the sight of all that writing. (Can you tell I don’t get nice notes from parents?) I said, “Uh-oh… is it bad?” He was like, “Oh, no! Not at all!” and gave it to me. And even though he told me it wasn’t bad, I still couldn’t bring myself to skim more than the first few lines. I put it in my pocket and said I’d read it at the assembly. (I feigned caring about being late. )

The note was totally cute. His mom started by saying, “After reviewing Professor’s tests, I told him he could have the guinea pigs.” I laughed because this kid is brilliant. Was there really any doubt he would be kicking butt in all subjects? She went on to say what a shame it is that I have to give them away, and I could visit whenever I want. I think she is just a really nice person, like her son, but I also found out later that she can’t stand Principal Pretty. The kids know Pretty is the one who said I had to get rid of them, so I wonder if that had anything to do with her willingness to take them. It was so hard to hide my excitement at finding someone else who sees through her. I just nodded and smiled as a kind of, “No comment”.

Professor kept telling me if I ever wanted them back to just tell him, because he couldn’t imagine giving away his dog. I said I wouldn’t do that to him. Besides, if I can’t have them at school, what am I gonna do with two guinea pigs? Professor will take them out and play with them, and they will love it. I know they are in good hands.

However, I retain the right to use them as characters in a children’s book!

wowsers

I actually graded a test the same day they took it. And it was not multiple choice. AND it is a quiz I absolutely HATE grading because it usually gives me a headache, but not this year! They understand how to do long division! YAY!!!!!!!

Manic Monday? How about Fun Day?

MusicMan was absent today, and he had his sub do a karaoke duel. (Which would have been his lesson anyway, I’m sure.) It looked like SO much fun, so when I came back into the room, I told a kid I wanted to sing. He told the sub, and she said, Sure! It was all Disney, and there were a few Miley Cyrus songs I knew. (Emphasis on “few”.) Two boys wanted to “versus” me, and long story short: I kicked their butts. As in I got twice as many points as they did. (Supposedly it can tell if you’re saying the right words and singing the right tune.) The kids in the audience were all, “Ms. Institutrice, you rock!” The two boys kept saying, “I can’t believe Ms. Institutrice beat us!” I was like, “Hey, what do you think I do in my car? Sing!” They got a kick out of that.

I got to sing again during our word work lesson to introduce the suffix -ous. I had a few on the graphic organizer, and they had suggested a few, but they were forgetting a big one. I said, “You’re not gonna make me sing again, are you?” They thought of a few more, but still not this one, so I started singing, “G… L… A… M…” and someone shouted, “Glamorous!” and we all sang it. And then it was stuck in my head all day.

Except when I was rockin’ out to the lunchtime radio blasting great songs from 1989. Ah, pop metal, how I miss you.

Foxy, foxy!

Oink, Oink

The Swine Flu has made it to my room. Guess who it is? Yep, Asthmatic. That kid can’t catch a break.

And I am totally skeeved out. I Lysoled his desk and the others around him til they were soaked, and I redid the whole room even though I had done it before I left on Friday. Now in addition to an Outbreak suit, I want one of those HazMat showers to rinse me off before I leave the building.

Oink oink.

NaNoWriMo

November is National Novel Writing Month. Oh how I wish it were in, like, July. I signed up for it last year, but writing fiction is not as easy as churning out diatribes about what happens at school every week. And considering November is report card and conference month, teachers are just overloaded to the max.

Then I thought about turning this blog into a book. What fun that would be! I’ve already thought of a few different ways to organize it. But then I thought, What’s the point of writing it if I can’t publish it? Because I would sooo have to leave my school – unless they’ll publish me anonymously! But then how could I be interviewed on Letterman?

I’ve already missed a day! (Spent the day grading tests – can I include my notes of “Please listen to and read directions” in my word count?)

Thoughts?

L’Alowine

Not getting many Trick-or-Treaters. Could be the light rain, or the Phillies’ World Series Game that starts in an hour.

Random things overheard:

Dad: Get back here, Madeline! We’re not going that way. We’re going THIS WAY!
Madeline: (dressed as Alice in Wonderland, 10 or 11, apparently walking the wrong way) NAH-UH!
Dad’s friend: What a fucking bitch. She’s just like her mother.
Madeline: THANK YOU.
Me: (mumbling out the screen door) Don’t come here with that attitude!

Michael Jackson: I like your shirt!
Me, in a 2008 Phillies World Series Champions t-shirt: Thanks! I like your costume!

5 year-old princess: You have a beautiful house.

Me: Are you Pippi Longstocking?
Pippi: YES!!
Pippi’s Candy-Corn Witch friend: You noticed! She was upset because no one noticed.
(How could you not with those crazy red pigtails sticking straight out of her head?)

Me: Can you see outta that?
Kid, wearing one of those Scream kind-of outfits with his face covered in black: Yeah. (as he leans over 6 inches above the bowl of candy)

Preteen in a Goth-wench get-up, to her friends: I love it when people let us pick!
Me: I’m a teacher, I know kids hate that.
Her and her friends: (laughing) Thank you!

Happy Halloween! Or as the French say, Alowine!

It’s Mischief Night

… and how evil is it that I want to let the guinea pigs play on Asthmatic’s desk?

I finally made a note to send to parents (I was hoping he would move like he said – every two years, his step-”dad” moved out, he found a book from 4th grade because he was cleaning out his closet) because Pretty gave me an ultimatum. So my vengeful, evil side is coming out.

Let’s see if I get reprimanded for starting the note, “Due to a student allergy, I have to give away our class pets.” Cue violin strings.

But for now they’re with me in their teeny, tiny travel cage for one last weekend.

Little Butt-in-skis

All yesterday afternoon I was ticked off at my sub from Wednesday because she gave the kids the wrong book for reading groups and messed up my plans for the whole next week. (They were supposed to read the vocab reader, but she gave them the levelled readers, and they speed-read the whole thing instead of taking three days of guided reading group discussions *like we always do*.) I was so annoyed because I was like, “The books were right here! They even had a Post-It note on them with directions to give them to Mrs. Inclusion-Specialist! The schedule was already on the board!” I just could not understand what happened.

Driving home I realized I was upset at the wrong person(s). I had put the vocab readers (the same book for every group) in the materials folder with the lesson plans. The levelled readers were in the reading group folders in a magazine file box on a desk behind the front table. As in, the sub didn’t/wouldn’t know about the levelled readers UNLESS THE KIDS TOLD HER.

Shame on her for listening to them, but they are worse for butting in where they don’t belong!